Breaking the myth of a limited dating pool.

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I have a beautiful friend who is successful in her career, fit and healthy, and can light up a room with her smile and laugh. But she doesn’t get her own greatness. She thinks because she is divorced and single at 53, she has to take what she can get because “the dating pool is so limited in our age range.” As a result, she ends up in relationships that are one-sided and non-commital. Relationships that ultimately don’t make her happy.

We are all looking for something different in our relationships — whether it’s casual fun, marriage, exploring new territory — we get to define what we want. And when we get clear with ourselves what we want, the universe begins to manifest it for us. …


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The #metoo movement that swept the nation a couple of years ago brought up a lot of emotions for me… emotions I’m still trying to work out for myself. And having to do that in front of my now 20-year old son and 17-year old daughter can be a bit tricky to navigate. I recognize that, as their mother, I am the one they look to as an example of how a woman should behave and expect to be treated. And that is a huge responsibility. One that can overwhelm me when I really think about it. It’s scary to raise human beings. …


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I started flying on airplanes when I was 5 years old. My mom would send me on solo trips from Colorado to California to visit my grandparents. I can’t imagine having done this with one of my children, but I keep hearing things were different in the seventies. I remember sitting in the seat paying very close attention to the flight attendant’s instructions. They always explained that when the oxygen masks dropped down, it was important for the adults to put one on before assisting the children. Being one of those children myself, this made me angry. And terrified. I sat there the entire plane ride imagining the plane filling up with smoke or being depleted of oxygen, and watching all of the selfish adults take care of themselves first while I would likely suffocate and die before anyone would be able to assist me. It made absolutely no sense to me. …


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At 19 years old, I used to imagine how amazing my life was going to be. I could be anything I wanted: a doctor, actress, archaeologist, writer. Whatever I would choose, it would definitely include world travel. I felt like I had a blank canvas, and I was the artist who was going to create a masterpiece. Thirty years later, I can look back and see where I made some missteps.

I didn’t realize then that the choices I made would vastly affect my future. I lived in the moment and prided myself on spontaneity. And I still believe those are good qualities to have. However, I wish I had incorporated more sense of responsibility. …


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I recently participated in a discussion in a Facebook Group about the message the song, Baby It’s Cold Outside, sends. Over the past few years, this Christmas classic has come under fire for portraying harassment and coercion to get a girl to stay (presumably overnight) after she has very clearly stated no. People are saying it has a “rapey vibe” and is manipulative. Some radio stations are even removing it from their rotation, and people are calling for the song to be banned from playing in stores.

I am definitely an advocate for consent. And as a woman who has let herself be coerced into sex in the past, I am a firm believer that women should never do something they don’t want to do. No does, in fact, mean no. …

About

Justine Brashear

She/ Her. Dreamer ~ Risk-Taker ~ Writer. www.JustineBrashear.com

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